When Fostering Doesn't Work Out

 

Keemo went to a new foster home last weekend, after making the difficult determination that he was not a good fit - even temporarily - when prioritizing the resident animals. I'm a huge advocate for fostering, adoption and rescue, but first and foremost an advocate for my own pets. So many shelters around the world are overwhelmed and so many rescues could not operate without a network of phenomenal foster homes. I frequently implore people to foster through social media by posting dogs in need. I have now fostered four dogs over the last ten years. It's not a lot - it's nothing like those admirable career fosters that have a constant stream of rescue dogs through their home. That was actually my intention before "foster failing" with Boca. I know how rewarding it is to see a foster dog through to their perfect home, and I'm disappointed that I won't be doing so for Keemo.

As the days went by with Keemo, Boca exhibited some pretty severe resource guarding - something she doesn't do with Ruby. She will grumble once in a while when she has settled down with a toy, but at both dog and human mealtimes she was charging vehemently at our visitor on the other side of the dog gate. This in itself was manageable, but as I saw Ruby becoming more and more shut-down, nervous about Boca's blustering, refusing to eat even in another room, hiding under the dining room table, and cowering when Keemo was near, I knew that I couldn't risk her hard-won confidence being shaken any more in her own home. It was no fault of Keemo's - he just needed a playmate his own size and a lot more space to play in. Keeping all of the dogs separated long-term was not tenable, either. My 19 year old cat was also expressing her displeasure with the situation - another surprise since she's lived boldly with dogs for most of her life. It was impossible to ignore the signs of stress in every member of the household.

Fostering is a hard job, and each personality involved complicates it that much more. Sometimes I think the ideal foster home has no pets of their own, but that's unlikely since we foster because we love animals. Neither of my dogs reacted as I expected to our house guest, and I saw previously unrealized sides of them and learned more about myself, for better or for worse. These past few years have been a time of self-reflection for me as I navigated some of the most difficult changes of my life. I think part of being an adult is knowing what you want and don't want, what you can and can't handle. I'm an anxious person. Lao Tzu said "If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future." I am a well-versed worrier - it runs in the family. I am perpetually nervous about what could happen or what might happen. This isn't the greatest state of mind for managing new dog introductions and disruption in routine, and for that reason if I do foster again, it would be short term/relief fostering and smaller/older dogs.

I spent one whole afternoon with Keemo, taking him to my vet's office to refill my cat's medications, a big box pet store to get him some chew things, a crate mat and a harness, and Kriser's for some raw goat's milk. He was absolutely charming everywhere we went - obviously overwhelmed at the wonderland of sights of smells, bins of dehydrated delicacies within muzzle's reach. He approached strangers soliciting affection and wagging his tail, and I told the story of his journey and extolled the virtues of the potcake. In just a few days' time I was able to teach him "sit" and "down" with clicker training, and he was especially lovely to walk by himself. My dad was instrumental in being able to keep him as long as we did - there's no way I could have done it on my own with a full time job. I think it even brought my dad and I closer together and I know he was sad to see Keemo go as well. It didn't take long to become attached to his big silly face, and I felt heartsick as I drove him across town and handed him off to someone else. 

  
Even though I know I made the right decision, I still feel awful about letting Keemo and the rescue down. I thought about how confused he must have felt being shuffled from one house to another, and hope he is successful in his new foster home and matched with that special someone soon. I know he will be an awesome dog with nothing but love to give. I am a fiercely loyal person who honors her commitments so this felt like a different kind of foster failure. I was looking forward to attending adoption events and becoming more involved with this rescue group. I dream of having a ranch someday with a conscientiously designed foster dog suite, and of having the time to devote to such a passion. In the meantime I will continue volunteering where I can, but more likely in a capacity other than fostering. I have a renewed appreciation for the tireless work of rescue, and for my own perfectly imperfect incredible dogs.